Twenty-five
If life would ask me how am I going so far, I would say it is not fun. It's complex, confusing, and hard. Most decisions I made led me to something I wasn't prepared for. Who's prepared for anything that life gave anyway?
Talking about complexity. I always keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. That whatever it is it will lead me to the greater good. But I was wrong, everything that had happened was the result of my actions and life choices. It only means that whatever I am going through or whatever result I received was all because of me and that is where I shall continue.
Twenty-five gave me a peculiar situation where a hard choice needs to be picked and think thoroughly. A choice that would be a definite pass or fail. A choice that would keep me awake at night or even a blank stare at day. The choice was to save me. Even if the choice was to leave the people I used to fight for, the reason I wake up every day and grind. That's what I did. This time I need to save myself. All this time I thought what I have been doing was enough and just. Who I am was acceptable and loveable. But NO, it was never enough, instead they are looking for more, beyond what I am capable of. I was sorry that I can't keep up, I was sorry that what I can give was all of me. They don't even make me feel that I was there. Sometimes I wonder if this is still worth dying for because clearly, I am losing myself. Where am I tho in the equation? Oh! I am the problem and the solution at the same time. That's what matters to them, at most it is what I felt. Home is not what I call it anymore, it was a funhouse full of evil clowns. I almost died surviving. I remembered that moment I overheard them laughing and talking about gays. That was the most heartbreaking moment of my life. They knew what I was but they didn't even bother to. Apathetic, that's what I call it.
Twenty-five made me substantiate it is not always the "your friends won't get you nowhere", but most of the time, they're the thick blood you wish that it wasn't water. They're the family you never had. Home, that's what I call it. I felt home with these people. I could build a subdivision full of houses, oh sorry, home. These people know me more than the people I use to live with. They took care of me at my lowest and celebrated everything at my best. I know someday they will have the life they want, for sure I'll do the same.
Twenty-five proved that love can mend a broken soul. I found someone that I could tell my stories without judgment. He patches up the tapestry that the old flames shred. "Even on my worst lies, he sees the truth in me". Those days when the bricks of my castle were falling and became vulnerable, he stood; pick me up, and put it back together. I couldn't ask for more. I guess now I live in a Taylor Swift lyrics, " at every table I'll save you a seat, Lover".
It was indeed a journey of a lifetime. Before the day ends and to commemorate my twenty-fifth revolution around the sun, I can not thank all the people enough for how grateful I am to be part of your voyages too.
Thank you!
If life would ask me how am I going so far, I would say it is not fun. It's complex, confusing, and hard. Most decisions I made led me to something I wasn't prepared for. Who's prepared for anything that life gave anyway?
Talking about complexity. I always keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. That whatever it is it will lead me to the greater good. But I was wrong, everything that had happened was the result of my actions and life choices. It only means that whatever I am going through or whatever result I received was all because of me and that is where I shall continue.
Twenty-five gave me a peculiar situation where a hard choice needs to be picked and think thoroughly. A choice that would be a definite pass or fail. A choice that would keep me awake at night or even a blank stare at day. The choice was to save me. Even if the choice was to leave the people I used to fight for, the reason I wake up every day and grind. That's what I did. This time I need to save myself. All this time I thought what I have been doing was enough and just. Who I am was acceptable and loveable. But NO, it was never enough, instead they are looking for more, beyond what I am capable of. I was sorry that I can't keep up, I was sorry that what I can give was all of me. They don't even make me feel that I was there. Sometimes I wonder if this is still worth dying for because clearly, I am losing myself. Where am I tho in the equation? Oh! I am the problem and the solution at the same time. That's what matters to them, at most it is what I felt. Home is not what I call it anymore, it was a funhouse full of evil clowns. I almost died surviving. I remembered that moment I overheard them laughing and talking about gays. That was the most heartbreaking moment of my life. They knew what I was but they didn't even bother to. Apathetic, that's what I call it.
Twenty-five made me substantiate it is not always the "your friends won't get you nowhere", but most of the time, they're the thick blood you wish that it wasn't water. They're the family you never had. Home, that's what I call it. I felt home with these people. I could build a subdivision full of houses, oh sorry, home. These people know me more than the people I use to live with. They took care of me at my lowest and celebrated everything at my best. I know someday they will have the life they want, for sure I'll do the same.
Twenty-five proved that love can mend a broken soul. I found someone that I could tell my stories without judgment. He patches up the tapestry that the old flames shred. "Even on my worst lies, he sees the truth in me". Those days when the bricks of my castle were falling and became vulnerable, he stood; pick me up, and put it back together. I couldn't ask for more. I guess now I live in a Taylor Swift lyrics, " at every table I'll save you a seat, Lover".
It was indeed a journey of a lifetime. Before the day ends and to commemorate my twenty-fifth revolution around the sun, I can not thank all the people enough for how grateful I am to be part of your voyages too.
Thank you!
